I am assuming it happens to all trans people whether you are FTM or MTF. "It" being friends and/or family who, for whatever reason, continue to use old pronouns or names.
Maybe it's just me, but my feelings on the matter are this....of course everyone should be given a "period of adjustment" and of course, depending on how long you have known someone, the adjustment time is different. This also depends on the trans person. How long of a period are YOU willing to give them before it becomes a blatant sign of disrespect? I do believe that not everyone who gets the pronouns wrong is doing it to be disrespectful or aggressive but by the same token, what is the acceptable amount of time to give people?
I have a couple of people in my life who I have known for 14 years or so. With them, sure...it is taking longer. Same with the people in my family who know. But how long is too long?
Thoughts?
Good post. I was just on the phone today with someone who has known me for 5 years, knows & supports the transition yet still doesn't get the pronoun thing. She hasn't seen me for quite a while & I give her a lot of leeway cuz she's a cool chic & just cringe. She also still uses the wrong name sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAll of that to say that I don't know how long is too long yet. =)
Hello, when I came out to the people in my congregation, I understood that most of its older members wasn't going to remember. But, the ones that were middle aged and younger, I didn't give any leeway to. Some of them insist on calling me by my feminine name, and refering to me in female pronouns, those people get an on the spot correcting, then I walk away with them sputtering their apologies or I just ignore them.
ReplyDeleteThen afterwards, they will have to deal with their spouses or other members of the church, or the minister.