This word is no longer an option for me. Not even within the LGBTQ community, which I have been trying to escape from anyhow.
I have learned that it is simply too difficult for me to be "part-time trans." In other words, I am going stealth and there I will remain. I always told myself in the beginning that I would never go stealth but one thing transition has taught me...don't make any decisions too soon because you don't know how you will feel as the transition progresses.
All of this is based on something that happened to me over the weekend. I have now been on T for almost a full year and a half. I pass 100% as male. Yes, I hate the word "pass" but humor me here. Anyhow, I met a cisman in early December of last year, right after I had my top surgery. He has known me as nothing but the man I am now and has never even seen pictures of me pre-transition. To my knowledge, he has never seen me as anything other than male and why should he? This man has even given me shaving tips and instruction.
Well, he referred to me as "she" at one point over the weekend. He corrected himself immediately, but not until after. This shows me how he views me and also shows me that it's true about what I've heard many trans people say over and over...people WILL treat you differently when they know.
