This word is no longer an option for me. Not even within the LGBTQ community, which I have been trying to escape from anyhow.
I have learned that it is simply too difficult for me to be "part-time trans." In other words, I am going stealth and there I will remain. I always told myself in the beginning that I would never go stealth but one thing transition has taught me...don't make any decisions too soon because you don't know how you will feel as the transition progresses.
All of this is based on something that happened to me over the weekend. I have now been on T for almost a full year and a half. I pass 100% as male. Yes, I hate the word "pass" but humor me here. Anyhow, I met a cisman in early December of last year, right after I had my top surgery. He has known me as nothing but the man I am now and has never even seen pictures of me pre-transition. To my knowledge, he has never seen me as anything other than male and why should he? This man has even given me shaving tips and instruction.
Well, he referred to me as "she" at one point over the weekend. He corrected himself immediately, but not until after. This shows me how he views me and also shows me that it's true about what I've heard many trans people say over and over...people WILL treat you differently when they know.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Job Interviews and Gender Marker
So the clock ticks down. I have landed a job interview tomorrow. My first where I am to be seen as myself...a man. Turns out that it's a group interview where 8 of us will be interviewed. We'll each be asked questions, there will be a 10 minute break and those of us selected for the next round will have a one-on-one interview. If they really like someone, an offer will be made on the spot. I figure if nothing else, it will be good practice for me. I was really nervous at first...of this group interview aspect however as someone said, if I can go through transition, this should basically be a piece of cake.
It's definitely been a different train of thought as what to wear to a job interview as a man. Easier in a lot of ways, but there's the issue of facial hair. I have a small goatee which I am keeping. So I figure neat, trimmed and no other facial hair. Should look fine. Hair is really short and cropped. Nice dress shirt, dress pants and a tie. Can't go wrong.
Onto the gender marker...I got my top surgery November 30th. Texas is an extremely hard state to navigate around legal gender marker changes. One must be on hormones and have had, at a minimum, top surgery. It must be done in the court system by appearing before a judge. As a result, I think it would be extremely risky to not have an attorney for the process so I hired one. An attorney that actually helped a local guy get his done and has also helped others in the community. She watches the docket for a transfriendly judge, so you don't waste your time and/or money. So I've waited about 3 weeks now. The new docket comes out each Monday, so I emailed her Monday to find out if we were good to go. Nothing...she never returned my email. I find out yesterday afternoon that a judge she named as being transfriendly has been on the docket all week. So I call her office and her assistant tells me the docket hasn't had a transfriendly judge this week and that we'll need to wait until next week.
So I email her again yesterday and hear nothing. The docket will change again tomorrow so who knows how long I'll have to wait again? I do intend on calling her again today if I don't hear anything because I really want to know why she let a week slip by, when this process could've been already taken care of.
I feel a bit more pressure since I'm actually starting to interview for jobs. Makes it a lot more frightening to navigate when your driver's license states you are female. Maybe they won't look at that. Maybe others don't really even think about it. I took a look at the employment authorization form online last night (the I-9 form) and it doesn't have a box for gender, so who knows?
Let's just hope I can get this done by the time I actually start work at a new job. Maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse, but I've paid this attorney her fee already and to my knowledge, she has already drawn up the petition.
I just needed to vent. I will keep everyone posted.
It's definitely been a different train of thought as what to wear to a job interview as a man. Easier in a lot of ways, but there's the issue of facial hair. I have a small goatee which I am keeping. So I figure neat, trimmed and no other facial hair. Should look fine. Hair is really short and cropped. Nice dress shirt, dress pants and a tie. Can't go wrong.
Onto the gender marker...I got my top surgery November 30th. Texas is an extremely hard state to navigate around legal gender marker changes. One must be on hormones and have had, at a minimum, top surgery. It must be done in the court system by appearing before a judge. As a result, I think it would be extremely risky to not have an attorney for the process so I hired one. An attorney that actually helped a local guy get his done and has also helped others in the community. She watches the docket for a transfriendly judge, so you don't waste your time and/or money. So I've waited about 3 weeks now. The new docket comes out each Monday, so I emailed her Monday to find out if we were good to go. Nothing...she never returned my email. I find out yesterday afternoon that a judge she named as being transfriendly has been on the docket all week. So I call her office and her assistant tells me the docket hasn't had a transfriendly judge this week and that we'll need to wait until next week.
So I email her again yesterday and hear nothing. The docket will change again tomorrow so who knows how long I'll have to wait again? I do intend on calling her again today if I don't hear anything because I really want to know why she let a week slip by, when this process could've been already taken care of.
I feel a bit more pressure since I'm actually starting to interview for jobs. Makes it a lot more frightening to navigate when your driver's license states you are female. Maybe they won't look at that. Maybe others don't really even think about it. I took a look at the employment authorization form online last night (the I-9 form) and it doesn't have a box for gender, so who knows?
Let's just hope I can get this done by the time I actually start work at a new job. Maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse, but I've paid this attorney her fee already and to my knowledge, she has already drawn up the petition.
I just needed to vent. I will keep everyone posted.
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